I miss my blog so much. I know I’ve been MIA (Missing In Action) for quite some time now; it’s just that I can’t think of anything worth posting. Or to rephrase it, I can’t think of anything worth sharing at all. Sometimes I get tired to telling the same old sad stories because I know that it wouldn’t change the fact that bad things do happen and we don’t have control in what’s happening in our surroundings. We only have the ability to hone our feelings, on how we are going to react on different stimuli.
I’m overwhelmed with what’s happening in my life recently. Right after I turned 25, wave after wave of “too much”-ness had hit me so hard. Too much work, too much worrying, too much analyzing, too much information. I had too much of everything like I’ve never had enough. I want to close my eyes and cover my ears, hoping that I can find peace in the void.
I felt betrayed, lied upon and neglected for the nth time. I see myself as a victim of the situation, again and again. I’ve given more than I can give, but I’m always being left behind. Am I not good enough to deserve a good reaping? I can’t breathe anymore...I’m drowning. I'm human, I was about to crumble. Yet I realized that quitting is not the best option. I can’t just jump off the cliff or let my rope of sanity snap. If I’ve reached a dead end, I can always make a U-turn. Right now I’m trying to stand still as I embrace the storm. Honestly it wasn’t easy, but I have to...
I know I need to get back to my senses and to start all over again. I must complete my puzzle and I have to move forward. I’m wishing that someday I need not to disregard what I feel, that I can laugh or smile without faking it. And at the top of my lungs, I’ll be laughing out loud...genuinely.