Sunday, 20 April 2008

Window


The dim sky of night was filled once again with twinkling dots. From my bedroom window I can see nearby buildings were lit, some vehicles hitting the road leaving trails of light, and the lampposts at the intersection glowing. It is an ordinary night, an ordinary moment for somebody who’s ordinary.

Four months to go, I lost track of time. As the days unfold, it’s like the wait for the end is at hand. My colleagues are getting excited that this episode of their lives is finally wrapping up. They’re planning their next move like moving in a new house or finding a new job. If you'll ask me, I was left thinking, “So what now? After this, what now?”. To be honest I'm still searching for the answer.



I did some back reading of my previous posts, especially the first one that I wrote for this blog, and as I scan through the paragraphs, that mostly contains my vision, high hopes and positive outlook, I found myself thinking, “I’m afraid I’ve failed”.


If we're going to talk about career, believe me I still love what I’m doing, but there are times when it feels like I’m about to raise the white flag. This industry, this jungle that I’m in has been rapidly changing that each animal needs to cope as fast as they could in order to survive. The competition is getting tougher and tougher, and during these troubled times experience is definitely your best weapon. If I would assess my survival skills, I’m merely a worm. I’m still trying to find my little place in this battlefield.


On some personal stuff, I’m afraid I’ve failed, because the same old cycle that I tried to escape from did a major comeback, and it had me swirling once again. I’m not going to elaborate any further because I’m tired of telling the same old story. I guess all I need to do now is try not to think about it anymore, try to break the cycle, and try to fix what’s broken during the spin.


A window is about to close, a scene is fading away. I just hope that another window will open to show me that night has passed and a new day is about to begin, that there is still something to hope for beyond all these that I’m experiencing, that there’s still a reason why I’m here coping and trying to make a living.

3 comments:

Reign said...

You had surpassed a lot and once more you will. This life won't be perfect for us and yes we failed, we tried everything but still we failed. Failing doesn't always mean your prayers are ignored. It is answered, you just have to wait for the given time, that no one is so sure.

No one said it's gonna be easy,they just promised it's gonna be worthy.

*Hugs*

Reign said...

You had surpassed a lot and once more you will. This life won't be perfect for us and yes we failed, we tried everything but still we failed. Failing doesn't always mean your prayers are ignored. It is answered, you just have to wait for the given time, that no one is so sure.

No one said it's gonna be easy,they just promised it's gonna be worthy.

*Hugs*

Eben said...

dont worry reign, lilipas din 'to. :)

i'm considering other options regarding work...baka nasa "labas ng isla" yung new window na magbubukas para sa akin, tignan natin... :D