The dim sky of night was filled once again with twinkling dots. From my bedroom window I can see nearby buildings were lit, some vehicles hitting the road leaving trails of light, and the lampposts at the intersection glowing. It is an ordinary night, an ordinary moment for somebody who’s ordinary.
I did some back reading of my previous posts, especially the first one that I wrote for this blog, and as I scan through the paragraphs, that mostly contains my vision, high hopes and positive outlook, I found myself thinking, “I’m afraid I’ve failed”.
If we're going to talk about career, believe me I still love what I’m doing, but there are times when it feels like I’m about to raise the white flag. This industry, this jungle that I’m in has been rapidly changing that each animal needs to cope as fast as they could in order to survive. The competition is getting tougher and tougher, and during these troubled times experience is definitely your best weapon. If I would assess my survival skills, I’m merely a worm. I’m still trying to find my little place in this battlefield.
On some personal stuff, I’m afraid I’ve failed, because the same old cycle that I tried to escape from did a major comeback, and it had me swirling once again. I’m not going to elaborate any further because I’m tired of telling the same old story. I guess all I need to do now is try not to think about it anymore, try to break the cycle, and try to fix what’s broken during the spin.
A window is about to close, a scene is fading away. I just hope that another window will open to show me that night has passed and a new day is about to begin, that there is still something to hope for beyond all these that I’m experiencing, that there’s still a reason why I’m here coping and trying to make a living.