Monday, 31 March 2008


The truth hurts, so we lie.

Lie. An escape from trouble. The fastest way to the exit door. Some finds it easy to weave a story than to say what's in reality.

White lies, black lies, or name-all-the-colors-in-the-color-wheel lies. Regardless of its color, intention, or reason, the bottom-line is that their all a bunch of lie.

Isn't it more painful not knowing the truth? Because in the end, the truth will find its way to bite back. In times we least expect it. When the damage becomes severe that we wouldn't be able to patch it with another lie.

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Where Art thou?

Pichu by Eben. July 24, 2006

I used to draw...a lot.

I started to scribble whatever things when I was just a toddler. I would grab hold of a pencil or pen, and off I go to vandalize the walls and the cabinets. I remember drawing Fido the Sprite mascot. In elementary school, I participated in several poster making contests, most of them having the same old theme which has something to do with the environment. Preserve this, conserve that. I got my first award during first grade. I enjoyed every “Sining” classes, though sometimes I would lose confidence with my own artwork whenever I see some of my classmate’s masterpieces that are far more “cooler” than mine. I would try to do a frame-by-frame animation using the pages of my books and drawing a stick man in action. The back of my notebooks became my instant canvas whenever I feel like sketching something whether it be a drawing of a superhero I invented myself or a game design ala Super Mario. I created my own comic book at the age of 10. My classmates would always ask me when the next issue will be released, and I’m so pressured thinking what’s going to happen next as the story unfolds.

I can say that anime influenced me a lot. But honestly, when I first saw Dragon Ball Z on TV, I was shocked. I never thought that cartoons can be very gory. Witnessing animated blood or bodies cut in half, I mean this is something that western cartoons never dared to show. Would you believe that during elementary school we had Dragon Ball Z in film showings and even Chuckie the killer doll? (Well, that’s a different story). I went crazy over Voltes V and Daimos, became a follower of Gundam Wing and even had a crush on Sailor Saturn. My succeeding creations for upcoming comic books we’re heavily influenced by anime.

A friend of mine taught me how to draw using pencil and streamlining it with an ink pen. I find it neat, though I would still prefer using pencil alone to make my drawings look raw and natural.

I love to draw eyes. Eyes can be very expressive and at the same time, blank. I would think of different ways to draw an eye - sparkling, lively, dull, wicked, dopey, or sad. Maybe I’m just fascinated how the sense of sight can also convey emotions in many levels.

Drawing hands is my weakness. I draw people with their hands on their pockets or hiding it in their backs. I find it hard to symmetrically draw each finger, hoping that they won’t look like deformed sausages. But I practiced, because I find it important for my comic characters to have at least simple hand gestures. And as the cliché goes, practice makes perfect. Well not really.

Time flies and as my younger years build up, so is the pencils, sheets of paper, crayons, oil pastels and watercolours. On my fourth year in high school, I participated in editorial cartooning. As I reckon, the issue was about the separation of the state and the church. I wasn’t supposed to join the contest for it was actually my best friend who’s been chosen initially, but for some freaking reason he backed out and pointed his finger at me. Of all the participating students coming from different public schools in the city, I landed second place. It felt so good being recognized. Then I went on to the national level, unfortunately this time, I didn’t win. But the experience is something worth the try. Another experience I won’t forget was when my logo design for the population education society was chosen as its official symbol.

To be able to draw not only became beneficial to me but also to other people particularly my siblings and cousins and even neighbours. Whenever my younger siblings have a project that requires a picture to be drawn, I’m the one to be called. In every Nutrition Month, or United Nations celebration, my cousins will come to me and ask for my services to draw some posters and slogans.

I used to believe that drawing is my passion. But eventually that passion died. During college I became so busy with part time jobs and thesis and became even more busier when I finally landed a job. In short there was a sudden change in priorities as circumstances demands for it. It feels like my hands are now used to typing and clicking, but not drawing. Yes I design flow charts, entity-relationship diagrams, workflows and all that jazz. But it isn’t the same as using the right side of your brain and letting your imagination flow freely into your hands.

But maybe it didn’t die after all. Perhaps it’s just on hibernate mode, waiting for a wakeup call. Or like a pencil that just needs some sharpening. At least, I can still have an alternative career just in case. ^_^

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Keep Moving!

You breakdown and cry, but you can’t stay in despair for the rest of your life. You stumble, but you need to stand up regardless how painful the wounds it may have caused you.

Stop for a while, cry, let it pour, and feel the pain. But remember to take a deep breath after doing so. The world won’t stop to sympathize with you. People are so damn busy with their own biddings they will never look back at you. Even those who might have hurt you will keep on laughing out loud enjoying what they have, while you’re all alone doing your best to go back on your feet. It’s all up to you and you alone.

Just keep moving. If it feels so heavy in every step, then it means you have to leave some of your baggage behind. Free yourself from the burden of your past, and live in the present. Your scars will become a symbol of courage. To remind you that in every downfall, you have managed to stand up with dignity and that you have learned from the experience. Remain intact...put yourself together.

Change starts when you decide. You know deep inside you, you’ll going to win this race if you will just keep on moving.

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Cristina's breakdown

Cristina had a breakdown after she lost her baby. I just love Sandra Oh's portrayal of Cristina. I guess that's what happens when you have difficulties conveying your feelings.....a breakdown. Hope it won't happen to me, haha.


"sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass" - so true.

Youtube video courtesy of Chromeplatedheart

Saturday, 15 March 2008

Jigsaw Puzzle

I am a jigsaw puzzle collector. I remember back in the Philippines, it was always on my wish list in every Christmas exchange gifts, to be able to receive one and for two consecutive years I got 3 sets of 1000-piece puzzles.

The first one that I got is an image of a lighthouse stretching its light into the sea. Not so far away from the cliff where the lighthouse stood still is a cruise ship passing by. The sky’s colour is a combination of yellow, red and orange as the sun bids goodbye, and splash of waves hit the shore.

The second set that I got as a Christmas present deals with the ocean and its inhabitants. Shades of blue are everywhere. There are dolphins and sperm whales swimming freely under the big blue. Flocks of sea gulls flying above the ocean; must be waiting for a good catch as school of fishes can be found swimming alongside the giant sea mammal.

The last one is a picture of a Majestic Angelfish (Pomacanthus navarchus). The fish is so big it occupied at least 75 percent of the whole puzzle. You can even see the details of the fish’s physical features; yellow sides and back, transitioning to blue towards the base of the caudal fin and face, with a bright blue streak across the chin. There are lots of corals in the background, too.

It took me days (at least 3, at most 5) to complete these puzzles. The easiest to accomplish was the first one (lighthouse), and the Majestic Angelfish, I must say, really gave me a hard time. But in the end it’s all worth it, I was fulfilled.

Thousands of pieces with one aim; and that’s to find the right piece that will perfectly fit with the other pieces to see the greater picture, to be able to see the completeness of things. Sometimes, you might get frustrated, but patience is the key. Never stop looking for that missing piece. Life itself is like a jigsaw puzzle...

My next aim, to accomplish a 2000-piece tapestry puzzle! Perhaps a picture of the Last Supper, now that sounds pretty cool.

Sunday, 9 March 2008

Question mark

There are times when I would ask myself,
What does each kiss mean?
How soft are your lips,
Although in truth I never tasted its sweetness.
Times when I would wonder,
What does each stare implies?
How I melt every time those eyes would strike me,
Amazed on how it hit my heart and soul.
I would ask during moments of silence,
Why do you hold my hand?
Every fingertip, your palm resting in my palm,
I grab hold of yours, but not your heart.
How I wish it is me that you see,
Every time you would kiss me.
That in each heart-melting stare,
Gone is the sadness looking back at me.
But there are certain depths,
That no matter how hard I try, I couldn’t reach
These wounds that I wanted to cure,
And shattered pieces I'm willing to pick up.
This heart is asking if you really feel me,
Like the way I feel for you?
Even for once, do you think of me?
Same as how you’ve left an imprint on my every thought.
Or maybe, just maybe,
I am but a mere habit, so break me.

Monday, 3 March 2008

Pagbitiw at Pagtanggap

Isipin mo na lang, isang basong tubig.

Kung hahawakan mo siya ng sandali, tapos bitiwan mo rin agad, magaan lang siya. Pero kung palagi mo siyang hawak, kahit saan at kahit kailan, magiging pabigat din.

Pabigat. Unnecessary baggage. Meron din ako niyan.

Siguro naman nobody wants to carry around unnecessary baggage di ba? Ewan ko ba, parang ginawa ko na yata lahat ng alam kong pwedeng gawin mabitiwan lang ang baso, pero wala pa rin.

Nothing seems to work.

Bitawan mo na Eben.


Simple lang daw ang buhay. Kung ayaw, e di wag. Kung hindi talaga pwede, e di wag. Kung hindi talaga posible, e di wag. Tao lang daw nagpapakumplikado ng buhay. At isa ako dun sa mga taong mahilig maghanap ng kumplikasyon.

Kapag naisip mo kasi yung kabuuan ng isang sitwasyon, mahirap sabihin na simple lang ang lahat. Maraming factors, angles, o sides na dapat i-consider. Yung pagsabi ng “E di wag”, kalahati lang yun ng buong kuwento.

Sige na nga, life is simple. Pero pag may dumating na kumplikasyon, yayakapin ko na lang ng buong giliw. Tanggap lang ng tanggap.