These past few weeks wasn't smooth sailing after all.
My parents are once again in the midst of a “shaky” relationship. This has been very nostalgic for me. When I'm still in the Philippines, I served as an “absorber” of my mother and father's grievances. Though I believe that they should handle it themselves as mature individuals, I have no choice but to listen, because that's the only thing that I can do for them. Somehow, if their marriage fails (which I hope not), I can accept the reality that our family is not as intact as I thought it could be - an idea that I used to reject few years ago.
The house where I'm staying at has been a shelter of never ending conflicts. I've been here for three months now, and since then a lot of things had happened in this place. We even reached to a point where one of my house mate was about to move out because the landlord was so furious. I cannot call this place a “home” - just walls, floor, windows and rooms.
Some personal matters that I don't know how to handle that it feels like I'm always left hanging with unanswered questions. Emotional roller coaster as you may call it. I hate the feeling...
In times like these, no matter how hard I try to cope up, I still feel helpless. I try to keep myself busy so that my mind can focus on some other things, but at the end of the day, when you're all alone, they're all coming back to you. I tried to talk to somebody, especially those who proclaim themselves as your “best friend”, but they're so busy with their own lives that they can't spare you at least a minute or two.
So I keep it to myself, most of the time. I have to deal with the same set of emotions over and over again as if I've never had enough. Until when? I'm not quite sure.