Sunday, 30 September 2007

House warming and the neverending conflict

Saturday, I was invited together with my housemates to attend a house blessing late lunch – early dinner party. We hit the road around 1 'o clock in the afternoon, took a bus then a 45 minute train ride, then dropped off at Admiralty station. Thanks to the travel instructions in, we were able to reach the place quickly. And so we were welcomed by the owner (or should I say the tenant) of the house, an officemate of ours (we work in the same company, but we, the consultants, are deployed somewhere else). Haven't eaten anything for lunch, we dived into the table to take a bite of mouth-watering delicacies, mostly pinoy food, thank God! There's sisig, tokwa't baboy, chicharon, spaghetti, grilled chicken, among others. The food is fantastic.

I dont know, but I didn't eat much. After draining a can of soda, and two glasses of red wine, my stomach was already full. In as much as I wanted to participate in the demolition of that vanilla ice cream, it's like I lost my appetite. I remembered something. That same feeling again. That sudden change of mood. Why...

I was quiet the whole time, until we bid goodbye and regarded our thanks to the hosts of the party.

The first time I set foot on this country, I don't know what to expect. Let alone sharing a house with four people. Having different sets of beliefs, environment and up bringing, some adjustments must be commenced in order to achieve harmony. I told myself that for as long as I keep my nose clean and away from any trouble, I'll be alright. But I guess I'm wrong. This is going to be a real-life Big Brother season that would run for over a year.

Conflict, is a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns. Cat versus Dog. Israel versus Palestine. Administration versus Opposition. Bush versus Bin Laden. Angels versus Demons.

In our case, it's house mate versus house mates. One versus four.

I don't want to elaborate any further, but the bottom line is that there are some conflicts that can't be resolved in just one sitting like a forum. Backstabbing, below the belt comments, name-calling; these are just a few of what comes after a conflict was triggered. As much as possible, all I wanted was a peaceful stay here. I'm not interested in these kinds of childish games.

That night, the alleged antagonist of the house approached me and asked if we could have a walk, he's got something to say. I said yes. I'm the remaining house mate whom he can talk to since we're sharing the same room.

He is someone who likes to be alone, who had so many personal struggles in recent memory, like death in the family. He acts weird, in my honest opinion, and talks as if he knows everything just because, according to him, he came from a very good environment. An environment of civilized people, again according to him.

It's really hard to talk to a person who wanted to be heard but never interested to listen. For me, that conversation with the alleged antagonist of the house is just a waste of time. I tried to be positive, to at least give him the message that could change the situation, telling him what might be the root of all this misunderstandings and my personal take on this issue, but he keeps on rejecting it. Butting in everytime I wanted to talk. The words became burning lava inside my chest and all I wanted was to throw it all out on his face. LISTEN YOU BASTARD! IT'S MY TIME TO TALK! I'VE GIVEN YOU ENOUGH TIME TO SPEAK TRASH! LISTEN!

“You don't know what I've been through”. He thinks the world is on his shoulder. I reminded him that he should not make any assumptions on how other people take things in their lives. That he's not the only person in this world who suffered from a loss. In short, WAG KANG PAAWA EPEK!

He wanted respect, fairness, acceptance. Again I reminded him that respect is not something that can be imposed, but is earned. He's talking about fairness, but is he fair? Cleanliness in the house is like a basic rule for every human habitat in this planet. He couldn't even flush the toilet after taking a pee. He talks about how disgusting the way other people talks. But isn't it more disgusting to say that people living in Cavite are all drop dead poor? He wants acceptance, but does he really wanted to be accepted? I think not. It's the way he interacts with other people, it's like he wanted to repel anyone whose breaching in his self-contained barrier.

The conversation came into an end. Nothing was resolved. The conversation, or should I say "unidirectional communication" is a waste of time, energy, and saliva. I don't want to talk to that person anymore. Do I deserve this? Definitely NOT.

And so I was writing this blog, it's 3am, just wanted to release the stress brought out by this person. I owe it to blogger! Hehe.

Somebody told me, “well just play neutral”. OK, I'm playing it right now, but I don't know until when? I was thinking that maybe there will come a time when I'll have to choose a side or a faction. Or perhaps, I'll just stick to what I believe in and remain a mediator between the clash.


Reign said...

That must be a tough situation but it really shows who's more open minded. I hope that person will take time to absorb a protagonist point.

World Peace! ;0)

lady said...

it is just him(alledged antagonist)- whose mind is not close but is narrow.

wanna be heard but never listens - such a cocksucker who is selfish enough to keep on sucking about his talks and doesn't wanna listen.

feels the world is on his shoulder- crap! he can't carry the world. duh! i got 99 problems but a stud like him ain't one.

just let him be. time will come he'll realize he's too full of himself. and that he sucks.

just a proud, ex-officemate from sfit passing by after running somewhere somewhere in the internet wild. proud of your being kind and optimistic. you have a good heart. me, i don't have. lol

but if you think he's not worthy of your time, don't mind him at all. but i can't blame you. you just perfected the "pakikisama". hmm still counts on my guilt kung sasabihin kong "balewalain mo na lang siya." lol

i still call you "sir eben" when i pm you, but i have a new call for you, "ratatouille." hehe...

Ebenezer said...

wow lady...what can I say? *speechless*

more to come, this is isn't the end of the "Big Brother" drama. lol

Thanks for dropping by! I'll link you. :)

lady said...

ehehe.. nakita ko lang po yung link nyo sa blog ni ardee san.

i will link you up too.


Ebenezer said...

thanks lady! ratatouille talaga. lol

anti-selfish said...

I am doing a project on conflict management and gave a search on the internet..& found ur blog!! that was not the shocking part..rather i was surprised to see that's exactly is what i am going through. dont like this world full of selfish shit anymore. people dont think about others like the way they want others to think about themselves!! what a pitty!

anyways...keep up the good spirit.but, sometimes u need to speak on others face too...for ur own survival...wish u good luck eben :)

Eben said...

hi anti-selfish

thanks for visiting my blog. actually, later on I finally reached my boiling point. A month later after this incident, we had a row.

here's the complete story: