I dont know, but I didn't eat much. After draining a can of soda, and two glasses of red wine, my stomach was already full. In as much as I wanted to participate in the demolition of that vanilla ice cream, it's like I lost my appetite. I remembered something. That same feeling again. That sudden change of mood. Why...
I was quiet the whole time, until we bid goodbye and regarded our thanks to the hosts of the party.
The first time I set foot on this country, I don't know what to expect. Let alone sharing a house with four people. Having different sets of beliefs, environment and up bringing, some adjustments must be commenced in order to achieve harmony. I told myself that for as long as I keep my nose clean and away from any trouble, I'll be alright. But I guess I'm wrong. This is going to be a real-life Big Brother season that would run for over a year.
Conflict, is a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns. Cat versus Dog. Israel versus Palestine. Administration versus Opposition. Bush versus Bin Laden. Angels versus Demons.
In our case, it's house mate versus house mates. One versus four.
I don't want to elaborate any further, but the bottom line is that there are some conflicts that can't be resolved in just one sitting like a forum. Backstabbing, below the belt comments, name-calling; these are just a few of what comes after a conflict was triggered. As much as possible, all I wanted was a peaceful stay here. I'm not interested in these kinds of childish games.
That night, the alleged antagonist of the house approached me and asked if we could have a walk, he's got something to say. I said yes. I'm the remaining house mate whom he can talk to since we're sharing the same room.
He is someone who likes to be alone, who had so many personal struggles in recent memory, like death in the family. He acts weird, in my honest opinion, and talks as if he knows everything just because, according to him, he came from a very good environment. An environment of civilized people, again according to him.
It's really hard to talk to a person who wanted to be heard but never interested to listen. For me, that conversation with the alleged antagonist of the house is just a waste of time. I tried to be positive, to at least give him the message that could change the situation, telling him what might be the root of all this misunderstandings and my personal take on this issue, but he keeps on rejecting it. Butting in everytime I wanted to talk. The words became burning lava inside my chest and all I wanted was to throw it all out on his face. LISTEN YOU BASTARD! IT'S MY TIME TO TALK! I'VE GIVEN YOU ENOUGH TIME TO SPEAK TRASH! LISTEN!
“You don't know what I've been through”. He thinks the world is on his shoulder. I reminded him that he should not make any assumptions on how other people take things in their lives. That he's not the only person in this world who suffered from a loss. In short, WAG KANG PAAWA EPEK!
He wanted respect, fairness, acceptance. Again I reminded him that respect is not something that can be imposed, but is earned. He's talking about fairness, but is he fair? Cleanliness in the house is like a basic rule for every human habitat in this planet. He couldn't even flush the toilet after taking a pee. He talks about how disgusting the way other people talks. But isn't it more disgusting to say that people living in Cavite are all drop dead poor? He wants acceptance, but does he really wanted to be accepted? I think not. It's the way he interacts with other people, it's like he wanted to repel anyone whose breaching in his self-contained barrier.
The conversation came into an end. Nothing was resolved. The conversation, or should I say "unidirectional communication" is a waste of time, energy, and saliva. I don't want to talk to that person anymore. Do I deserve this? Definitely NOT.
And so I was writing this blog, it's 3am, just wanted to release the stress brought out by this person. I owe it to blogger! Hehe.
Somebody told me, “well just play neutral”. OK, I'm playing it right now, but I don't know until when? I was thinking that maybe there will come a time when I'll have to choose a side or a faction. Or perhaps, I'll just stick to what I believe in and remain a mediator between the clash.